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Tuesday, August 11, 2009

Marriage? Is It Right?

Recently, I have been thinking about marriage. My girlfriend is the most wonderful woman I ever met. No other woman I have dated has seemed so perfect to me, as the lady I am dating now. However, is marriage right for us? Now?

Financially, it would be good. Eliminate her rent payment and utilities. Leaving the two of us with just her debt and my debt, as well the utilities I already pay on this house. However, finances is not the only thing to consider for marriage. Even though, for the purpose of this blog, it is a major topic.

Still though other things to consider is:
  • Happiness

    • Although expecting a spouse to make you feel happy all the time is unreasonable, being with the right person can bring happiness and a sense of personal strength to your life.
  • Support and Encouragement for each other

  • If your future spouse says "I love you" not only in words spoken, but by loving actions.

  • They are someone who you like and who is your friend

  • kind, considerate, and polite

    • my current girlfriend is always telling me that I don't need to hold the door open for her, but at the same time she is very appreciative of it.
  • Communication is key

  • The right person will trust you and not monitor your phone calls, or computer usage, or limit the amount of time you spend with others you care about.

  • The right person will trust you and not spy on you


    • I love her and want to spend the rest of my life with her. As I said before, she is the most wonderful woman in my life. I want to get this house fixed up for her. Unfortunately, it may mean incurring a little more debt to do so, but some things can't wait, if she is to be in the house to.

    ---
    go ahead share your thoughts with me now, my ears are open. I'm always eager to hear what you think.
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    Posted by Kevin Surbaugh at 8/11/2009 11:27:00 AM
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    14 comments:

    1. Marriage is right if you feel God leading you to marriage. Be in constant prayer about it.

      I do think a couple should date a year before considering marriage though.

      I am glad you have found someone you are so happy with.
      ReplyDelete
    2. She seems great, from your words it sounds like she's the one. Get a ring on that finger and schedule the wedding a year from the engagement date, good luck and don't forget to invite us bloggers to your wedding.

      HS
      ReplyDelete
    3. You seem like a nice guy and since you have never been married....I would urge you to proceed with caution.

      Marriage does not benefit most males. At first glance, it may seem like a male may benefit but that is only if the marriage lasts.

      I am sure that you love her and she probably loves you...but things change. I would urge you to please heed this advice. Hide your money from her. Never let her know how much money you have saved...and always be able to make your money vanish in the blink of an eye. (I am talking about "your money" that you save.")

      This may seem like a mean advice but imagine all your hard work going to her and her new boyfriend some day. (This happens everyday no matter how nice you think cream pie is and she would never do it to you)She will and she will not think twice about it.

      I would advise you to love her, treat her well, make plenty of love with her but dont marry her. Remember, a marriage in the United States involves three people. You, her, and the state. You may laugh but if you ever divorce then you will understand the state was always in your marriage when you said "I do". The state will decide how your assets are divided and any children.

      Weigh your risks and rewards. Divorce is to big a risk. 50% loss of your assetts...usually more by the time the state gets done.

      Do not let a sexual urge force you to make an illogical choice. You only need a woman in your life for sex....nothing else. (I said it)One day....even your urge for that will go away. :)
      ReplyDelete
    4. I'd suggest you discuss you plans to do up the house in the expectation that she will eventually move in. I think spending money on all the improvements, and then getting engaged and married before she moves in is very high risk. Depending on your (and her) beliefs and preferences, I think a couple of better options are:

      1. She moves into your house (in a separate room) and pays a token rent. She'll save money on her rent and utilities, and you can use the extra income to help fund the home improvements. After 6-12 months you'll know if you suited to each other for the longer term, and can get engaged and set a marriage date a year or so further down the track (to allow enough time to be absolutely certain you both wish to proceed).

      2. She moves in and shares the bedroom. Her rent savings go towards the cost of utilities, home improvements and eventually the mortgage. This is the pre-marital de-facto relationship where you decide if you want to live together forever. Get engaged after living together for 6-12 months.

      I think option 2 is better, but that's because I don't have any bias against pre-marital sex.
      ReplyDelete
    5. pirate you must have been burnt bad
      so dont do what he says
      a good question is can she cook and does she have asets does she make lots of money is she a looker does she watch out for her neibors
      ReplyDelete
    6. Be sure you know her for at least a
      month before you even consider marriage. Is she hot?? If so, give me her number and I will counsel her about the pros and cons of marriage. Is she into the same things that you are? Do you know the important things about her...like is she into swapping? If she isn't into the important things in life I would say boot her out. Hope I helped.
      ReplyDelete
    7. do you feel like she is snooping into your privacy? Can she trust you? Does she ask you where you were when you come home late at night?
      ReplyDelete
    8. Wow, was I surprised at some of the stuff I read. Greedy_Pirate must have been burned. I've seen lots of women get burned, me included.

      Kevin, don't listen to people like this.

      Go, get married when the time is right, and have a very happy and fulfilled life.

      Invite me to your wedding. I can make the drive in about 4 hours.
      ReplyDelete
    9. I just gave good honest advice. If you want me to lie and say all that silly stuff...marriage is good and you will ride off in the sunset 4-ever and live happily. This is the same logic that you will get 10% return a year on your stock investments. Once again....not true...and many more Americans will lose their savings because of this idiotic advice being pushed by people that profit form it.

      Love doesnt exist. What females call love...is really lust. Lust then turns into a paternal bond between 2 people because you become like family. (brother and sister) This is when husbands and wives hear the great statement..."I love you...but Im not in love with you anymore". Translated..this means I love you like a brother and sister but I dont want to hump you anymore. Breaking this down all further....its just chemical balances in your brain. We make pills today to cure you of this.

      Find a girl...treat her good....make lots of love....but dont marry her and the state.

      If you think God is going to help out....last i recall....half the church is divorced nowadays to. You apply that to your beliefs....
      but I assue you it all comes down to humping.
      ReplyDelete
    10. Kevin,
      I enjoy your blog. Some of the comments here had me laughing, and some I found really sad. Poor Greedy_Pirate, some of what you say has merit. Sounds like you got burned and are still smoldering. Ouch, my heart really does go out to you about your bad experience. That said, I would like to offer some advice from my almost 26 years of marriage. I personally think you are going about this all wrong. The changes to the house should be a mutual financial decision. If your future spouse is going to live there, and it benefits her, she should be equally responsible for her 50% of ALL expenses. I have seen far too many times where a person (usually a man) has been far to generous and ended up loosing his shirt and more. A equal partnership means equal. Anything less will surely fail. If it does fail, her 50% of living expenses are considered her living expenses, which she would have had anyway. I wish you great happiness, but I feel that you are rushing into something which will not have the basis to last long term. Don't RUSH. If its true love, it will still be there 2-3 years from now.
      adomesticprincess in Oregon
      ReplyDelete
    11. you are too old to ask yourself this kind of questions. Just go for it or you might end up alone.
      ReplyDelete
    12. pirate - do you love your mom or pop or sister or brother? If this is real love, can't the same apply to a mrs. pirate?
      ReplyDelete
    13. Yes...I love my father and mother....but thats because they fed me, clothed me, and that bond was formed from living with them for 18 years.

      No...there will never be a mrs. Pirate because my father taught me well.

      Only a female would say something as silly as "but you will die alone". Your going to die alone regardless if your married or not.

      These people that are married are not being honest. (most of them) If they had any decency they would urge you to run now. But they want you to make the same mistake they did.

      Prince of Thrift is about to make the biggest financial mistake in his life and the outcry of warnings should be deafening. (This being a finance blog) Instead, most of these people want you to make the worse mistake of your life. I see it everyday.

      Just remember this.....there is no way she can take your house and savings.....wait till she picks up a phone and calls the police and tells them you abused her or threatened her. You will be removed from your property and she could live in your house for months while you are being raped by the system. (and your innocent)You will learn the laws are not fair and no one cares. Your only defense against such unfair laws is to refuse to participate. Do not marry...and I would not even allow a female to live with me. Be nice to her, treat her good, make love to her....but do not marry her and tell her up front...you will never have me sign a contract with you and the state. Live life for you. Enjoy. (and kids are overrated also :)
      ReplyDelete
    14. As for greedy pirate, I feel sorry for him apparently he has never experienced real love!! As for me I have and there is nothing better than being in love and experiencing the feelings of becoming one with that person. Being able to share your inter most thoughts, feelings of love, complete trust and honesty and feeling you can be with this person for the rest of your life. Not all females are as your perceive them. My hope is that someday you can open up your heart enough to love and trust someone and be truly happy as we all know right you are one very unhappy person.
      ReplyDelete

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