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Friday, May 04, 2007

Desire to Date and Desire to Be Debt-Free

The biggest struggle I have right now is a war between my two biggest desires. My desire to find a wife, settle down and raise a family and my desire to be debt-free. As tight as my budget is, I cannot afford to to go out, let alone take out a girlfriend who might become the future princess of thrift.
Of course, I could wait until I am 100% debt-free and then I will have additional cash to spend as well as save. However, I am 38 (39 in July) and am not sure I can wait another two years to start dating.
Of course, I never planned to be nearly 40 before starting a family, but the best laid plans don't always go the way we plan. For example, I was in the news recently (4/22/07) because I didn't give up on one of my political dreams. A dream as all (KTKA-TV49, WIBW-TV13, and Topeka Capital-Journal) press accounts pointed out, that took me 17-years to finally accomplish.
As you can see, I am not a quiter. Throughout all the press coverage and the subsequent votes in favor of my resolution, I repeated the Henry Ford, several times. The quote, which I have mentioned on this blog before, "If you think you can, or think you can't, you're right."
I intend to find a girlfriend and with any luck and God's guidance, she will eventually be my wife. In fact, there is someone. Two really. One I have been interested in for quite some time, who until recently, had been an employee in the store that I am a member of management in. Unfortunately, she has yet to answer the phone when I call. She is very busy with her job and may be to busy for a relationship.
The other gal, I met on-line and lives about 45 minutes from Topeka. Is attending K-State and working part time at a hardware store. She and I have sent numerous text messages and made several phone calls back and forth over the past week. This is the gal that seems to be the most likely for something to develop with. However, it is still way to early to know what might happen. I don't want to put the cart before the horse.
The question that I am struggling with is how do I balance both of my desires, so that I can accomplish both of them.
Posted by Kevin Surbaugh at 5/04/2007 06:29:00 AM
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7 comments:

  1. Hey Congrats! You're a big time TV star now! I should have gotten that book autographed (great book BTW).

    Romance has little to do with money. Sure money makes it easier, but in reality, it isn't needed. Good luck in your quest. And any woman that doesn't respect and understand your goal to be debt free, and accept its importance, you probably don't want around anyway.
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  2. First I want to re-itterate, love doesn't know dollar signs. If it does, it isn't love. Some of my best dates were long walks through the forest preserves just holding hands. It is times like these that allow you to fully connect and learn of another. So, basically, I'm saying - stop making excuses.

    Second, stop looking for your future wife. Women can smell this on you and sometimes, it causes more fear than joy. Especially, until there is a bond.

    What I would suggest is have fun. Smile. Share. Talk. And love. Don't be afraid. What you send out is what you will be blessed with.

    You need a face to face with this online gal. The heart is strange, and can't make a full connect unless eyes match the soul. I don't mean that it is beauty. Cause, if it was many of us would never have been married (including me). It is the look of trust, honesty, openness. The eyes will see what the heart doesn't hear.
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  3. It's always nice to have someone to love you. Good luck.
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  4. Kevin you sound like a nice guy.

    I think you should look for someone's company to enjoy--not marriage at first--I think that will scare off many women.

    I also think you should look for someone who enjoys doing some of the things you do, that do NOT cost much money.

    If you are planning for the long term relationship, you really don't want a woman that wants to be wined and dined, and showered with gifts and expensive things.

    You want someone that can enjoy living thriftly--let alone when you put children into the picture.

    Can you cook? Make the woman a great meal, light some candles and talk.

    Go on a picnic in a park.

    Rent a movie and watch it at her place...make some homemade popcorn.

    There are lots of sincere things you can do...grow any flowers at your house, cut them, and give them to her.

    Being thoughtful is really important, IMO.

    Take care and good luck.
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  5. I agree with the other posters that there are a lot of things you can do on a date; yet stay on a budget. If your town is having Memorial Day fireworks, perhaps you can invite your online friend to watch it with you. Romantic and free!
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  6. I didn't realize you could marry into the princess title. You learn something new every day.
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  7. Kevin you are a great guy. You've given us a lot a good advice on our blog.

    A very close friend of ours was having the same trouble until they met someone on a Christian singles website who had the same feelings about finances and was actually in the midst of their own debt reduction plan.

    When they date they purposely avoid any activities that cost too much ( $2 movies, picnics, etc).

    They are now engaged and planning to get married next year!

    You can do it buddy.

    Good Luck
    ReplyDelete

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